


Priorities

by multifunctional



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 4/13, Gigapause, Kinda, Sadstuck, i guess, idk if it really counts as sadstuck but it is definitely emotional??, maybe "tensestuck" or "emotionalstuck" would work better idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 01:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1492039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifunctional/pseuds/multifunctional
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So apparently the multiverse was supposed to implode or something yesterday, but it didn't. You have to try to tie up a few loose ends before the multiverse resumes its implosion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Priorities

The date is 14 April, 2014. You are 18 years old, starting yesterday, and yesterday was also supposed to be the day your universe ended. Well, yours and probably every other universe involving you and each one of your friends, and their friends, and… okay maybe everything that ever and never existed. God damn this whole… Never mind. Your name is John Egbert, and you are very pleased to see that you are now officially in real life actual contact with the grouchy troll who bothered you way back in the beginning of this whole ordeal like five-ish years ago, give or take.  
You look up at the sky, which is still clouded over and grey, but very much still alive, and stand up to stretch out your aching limbs. You feel like you’ve been sleeping in that weird position for like, five months or something. The meteor had crashed a while ago on your beautiful Land, and with it came many of your good friends both dead and alive (and you suppose a few stages between the two but since they’re still around you count basically everybody as pretty much alive). After the crash, of course, came the big huge ginourmous stupid battle between literally everybody. You still don’t quite get what’s going on here but it seemed to have been mysteriously suspended for some reason and you are not going to complain about that anytime relatively soon, nor is anybody else. You figure maybe time or space players are working something out. Whatever.  
At any rate, now that you are all limbered up, you decide to take a little stroll around the Land to scope out where everybody had decided to go to sleep last night. Everybody seems to like switching it up every now and again- keep the scene fresh and exciting. Again, you don’t quite understand that, but again, you aren’t going to complain so long as no more deaths take place for a while. You roll your eyes when your bright yellow shoes catch your eye to remind you that yes, in fact, even you have died. But, like…. Fuck this death thing. You give up.  
Unfortunately, as your great mental prowess is not quite at its peak this early in the morning (and especially with all these space-time-death-birthday thoughts buzzing about in your head), you don’t notice the aforementioned grouch lying flat on his back with a sour expression on his sleeping face until you basically step on that face.  
“Shi-”  
You clamp a hand over your own mouth as you quickly direct your foot to not land on Karkat’s face, missing narrowly and tumbling sideways when you trip. You sit up immediately after the tumble comes to a relative stop and stare wide-eyed at the troll. It was not unknown that trolls are more violent as a species than humans, but- god, you don’t really even want to think about what it might be like to experience the waking up of Sir Loudmouth McShoutatron over here. Speaking of whom, shouldn’t you be scuttling away for your life right about now? But what if he could smell fear? Or hear the movements of your frantic escape, or-  
“Egbert!”  
Your body tenses at the loud growl. Your eyes scan the lumped form for motion, but all that follows the growl is a relaxing wiggle as he curls up into a ball on his side, facing away from you. You don’t know whether this is a blessing or an omen. He could be either one of two things: still asleep, or trying not to jump and murder you.  
A sleepy whimper seems to answer this question for you.  
“Good morning, John,” comes a gentle voice from behind you. Now you nearly jump out of your skin in terror before turning around to meet the level stare of Kanaya. Her green-painted lips are turned up in a knowing smile and she dips her head in a gesture toward Karkat. “Be careful around him.”  
You snort and take a few steps toward her, toward the safety of the group ausp…ouse. Auspouse, yeah, that was probably it. Close enough, anyway. Troll culture is still sort of alien to you. (Don’t you even fucking dare laugh at your own stupid joke, Egbert; you are not funny and you might wake Karkat up.) You nod in a rather offhand way then proceed to greet her.  
“Yeah. Good morning to you too Kanenya.”  
“Kanaya.”  
“God damn it. I’ll get it one day.”  
“There are a lot of us to keep in mind, I understand.”  
You give a little laugh then and nod again, running a hand through your hair a bit awkwardly.  
“Yeah. Thanks. I mean. I know to be careful of Karkat. I know he’s stressed and all grumpy and whatever. It’s not like anybody isn’t stressed or irritable right now.”  
“True.”  
Kanaya nods in agreement before glancing down at Karkat then back up to you with raised eyebrows. You know what she is thinking.  
“No, Kanaya, I do not like him.”  
“I think you mi-”  
“I don’t hate him either.”  
Kanaya purses her lips but is unable to keep the words from bubbling out: “He fluctuates between pitch and flush for you. Anybody can see that plain as day. The feelings are almost overwhelming for him. He’s always read about these sorts of deep feelings but you are the one causing him to have a firsthand experience with them, and he does not know what to do with the whole scenario.”  
You give an exasperated sigh and roll of your eyes.  
“Look. I know this. I know it and I still don’t even really grasp this whole quadrants thing yet. I know he likes me, but I just. I literally can’t like him back. I would love to, I really would, because he seems like a really nice guy under his shell there.”  
“Crab pun?”  
“Yes. And I want him to be able to feel secure in his emotional and physical being. He’s obviously so out of it- out of everything. I would love to help him, but….”  
You look over at him and purse your lips a bit, then shake your head slowly.  
“I don’t know if that’s necessarily the healthiest thing for him right now. I’m afraid he’ll become dependent then be unable to finish what he set out to do initially. Understand?”  
A pause follows your short speech that seems to span an eternity. During this, you look up to see Kanaya watching you thoughtfully and nodding slowly.  
“I believe I do understand,” she says after a pause of her own. “And I apologize. I should not be trying to manipulate the feelings of other people so that they enter into a relationship purely because I think that it might be good. I only want to help, and to do that for this case I suppose I should really just stay out of it.” She bows her head again before looking you in the eye. “I am very sorry for meddling, John. However, I still insist that you speak with Karkat about this or else he will continue pining after you and putting three more times the stress on himself than is necessary. Do you understand that?”  
It is now your turn to look at Karkat and nod slowly.  
“I understand.”  
Kanaya touches your arm gently.  
“I expect he will wake up early this evening, so you should try to stay up a little bit late and speak about it then.”  
You nod and touch her hand.  
“I will.”  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
Evening does come and with it the rousing of several trolls and sprites, including one particular friendly rival of yours. You don’t want to be creepy and go right back to where you had found him sleeping earlier this morning, but you also don’t know how else to find him unless you retrace your steps and follow him a little bit. Oh, there he is, go figure.  
“Karkat!”  
Karkat looks over his shoulder at you, having just woken up and seemingly followed a similar stretch routine as you had that morning. You try not to wonder if he had picked that up from you since you’d met in person.  
“Egbert,” he greets back in his oh-so-endearing and gruff voice.  
Okay. Wonderful. Now you have to initiate conversation of an extremely delicate subject right when he woke after a probably fitful day of sleep. You look around yourself (hopefully but not likely in a subtle-ish manner) for a way to begin.  
“So uh. How long’ve you been up?”  
“’Bout ten minutes. I’m safe now, quit your stupid cowering,” he muttered in a mocking tone.  
“Heh. Right, right, because it’s so stupid of me to prioritize my own well-being.”  
“Shut the fuck up. What is it that you want?"  
You shrug lamely and refuse to allow your eyes to dart around too quickly, struggling to keep it relatively casual.  
“Just felt like talking to you. You know, like, man to man. Kid to troll. Birthday boy to alien.”  
“Talk, Egbert. Just because I’m fully alert doesn’t mean I’m not hungry and irate and totally able and ready to slice your throat out with my fucking teeth.”  
You seem to be unable to hide a dumb cocky grin from taking over your face at that.  
“You wouldn’t. You love me too much.”  
Karkat’s cheeks turn a pinker shade of grey and he licks his dry lips before pulling them back into a snarl.  
“I do fucking not.”  
“Keep cussing like that and I may be forced to believe the contrary.”  
“I do. Fucking. Not.”  
“Karkaaaaaaaaaaaat.”  
“Egbert! Listen up and listen well: I do NOT, I HAVE not, and I NEVER FUCKING WILL LOVE YOUR DUMB ASS!”  
“I wasn’t talking about my ass.”  
An unseemly sound of exasperation comes from the troll as he smacks his hands into his face in sheer frustration.  
“GOD DAMN YOU JOHN EGBERT, YOU ARE FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE, AND I COULD PROBABLY NOT HATE YOU MORE IF I TRIED!”  
His face is all red by this point, and you can see his arms shaking the slightest little bit. It strikes you how deep these “pitch feelings” must really be for you for him to scream and shake like that at you. You try not to snicker at the idea of him screaming and shaking in a different way, screaming and shaking for you instead, but that’s a different story for a different day. You have something of actual importance to discuss here.  
“Look…. I’m sorry Karkat. I, um, actually kinda wanted to talk to you about that.”  
Karkat is muttering something you can’t really understand. It must be Alternian or otherwise just unintelligible self-loathing blather as per usual. You feel really bad for him and start to hate yourself along with him.  
“I mean… you hate me. But I think you also actually really like me. And… I mean… that…. It doesn’t really make sense to me, exactly, but I know you….”  
“Know I what?” Karkat spits. “Come on, Egbert the All-Knowing, what do you know?”  
You are really shocked ant how surprised you are at this bitterness coming from him and you have to actually take a step back when he scowls and brings his arm down his face, wiping what you think are tears off his cheeks with his sleeve and shaking his head.  
“Fucking forget it. Shut up, Egbert, just get on with your night. Sleep tight. Don’t let your salamander bite.”  
“Casey wouldn’t bite and you know it. I don’t think she even has teeth.”  
“Yeah, well I do,” he snarls, flashing another angry scowl at you as he speaks. He glares at you for a moment before turning away and waving you off. You drop your hands at your sides and watch him start off.  
“No, Karkat, please, let me explain - ”  
“I said it doesn’t matter, douche, just shut up and let me go about my day and try to figure out how to kill my once-best friend.”  
“Karkat!”  
You call his name with a tone that was much more urgent than you intended, but you suppose is probably appropriate for the situation. You don’t realize you had grabbed onto his arm until he turns around slowly with more (kind of frightening) fat red tears threatening to spill over his hazy yellow eyes. Those eyes still freak you the hell out, but whatever. So does the fact that apparently every one of their bodily fluids match the color on their shirt. On that train of thought, trolls are gross and fucked up and also hells of fascinating. Snapping yourself back to the present situation again, you wet your lips to speak but find yourself still unable to come up with a good starting place.  
“I’ll wait, John,” he says in a much softer tone. You don’t know exactly what you were expecting him to say, so you weren’t necessarily surprised, but it also wasn’t exactly this, so you still managed to be just a little bit surprised.  
“You-”  
“I know. I called you John. I know, you know I love and hate you. I know you think it’s desperate and repulsive and too much. I know, John, I fucking know. God fucking damn it I’m sorry. I know.”  
His shoulders jerk up and down once and again you don’t know what to do.  
“Listen. I’ll wait. I’ll just push it off, just… just fucking not even think about it, not until I’ve dealt with Gamzee, and then I’ll think about how I want to feel for you. Okay? Is that okay? You won’t have to deal with me being stupid in a quadrant sense and I won’t have to deal with respecting whatever you want in a relationship and you won’t have to think about me and I won’t have to fucking think about you. Alright? I’ll think about it later. I’m fine, it’s okay. I’m sorry.”  
You are once again stunned, honestly. You feel his hands grip your forearms and squeeze weakly, and you want to reciprocate the insistent gesture.  
“Karkat….”  
“I’ll kill Gamzee and then I’ll worry about quadrants. Priorities, am I right?”  
“No, listen… I mean… yeah.”  
You look down at his shirt, messy with dirt and grass stains and in need of a good washing.  
“Priorities.”  
Karkat sniffles and you feel his hands squeezing your arms again, this time harder. You grimace a bit when his hard yellow fingernails bite into your skin slightly, but think nothing more of it than that.  
“Karkat,” you try again gently, “I just worry about you. Like. If I understood this troll romance thing I might be more willing to go with it, but I have a few reasons in my saying no. One, I don’t fully grasp your system yet, but once I do, I’ll probably be able to identify with it more easily. Two, you just have so damn much on your plate, I don’t want you to overwork yourself with a boyfriend to take into account. I couldn’t have you put that kind of extra stress on yourself. Two and a half, two subsection B, or three, whatever you want to call it… I didn’t even think about being attracted to males for the first like twelve years of my life. I turned thirteen and was teased about being gay a lot at school. I was completely turned off by the idea of liking someone that wasn’t female. That carried over well into the game, but like…. Man.” You pause to laugh a bit awkwardly and shake your head. “I don’t even know where I’m at with my sexuality right now.”  
Watching Karkat’s now stoic and, excusing the term, grey face, you continue very cautiously.  
“Once Gamzee is taken care of…. By then, we’ll see. By then, things should hopefully be better for everyone, and who knows? I may be full-out homo by then. Right?”  
You duck your head down a bit to try to offer a supportive smile to Karkat, who continues to not respond visibly.  
“Right,” he mutters eventually. A dull nod of his head confirmed that he was processing everything that you were telling him. “But one thing….”  
An objection? An interjection?  
“What’s up?”  
Karkat looks up at you, his face showing that he is much less likely to dissolve into tears again at least for a while. A tiny hint of a smirk twitches at the corner of his mouth.  
“Why is it that you’re so worried about attraction to what body? Like, you as a collective species as well as you specifically. It’s just the carcass that’s different. That’s what I don’t get about your romance system. You have to have a goddamn name for everything.”  
You are relieved to see that he understands and is even able to smile a bit. You laugh once and nod in agreement.  
“True, I’ve wondered that myself.”  
Karkat looks to one side and exhales heavily through his nose.  
“All that’s left to worry about now is…. The rest of the multiverse.”  
The two of you are lost in thoughtful silence for a few moments until you break it with what is intended to be a word of hope and support.  
“We are taking it on together, and with all of our friends, or hate-friends, or whatever. You’re not doing things alone, Karkat.”  
When you speak his name, another broken sniffle rises in agreement. Yellow nails dig into your arm again and a head of black hair bobbed.  
“I know, John.”  
He smiles down at your shoes and continues to nod.  
“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Alright! So this is not actually the first request I've ever done, but it was for my buddy-old-pall Lull at sanguinejellyfish.tumblr.com (and just for the record it is a wonderful blog by a wonderful person (shh no I'm not promo-ing))
> 
> I did have to fix up a few little grammatical things from when I posted it on tumblr- I didn't realize until like an hour ago that I swapped tenses. That's not too important but anyway, here it is, in a way that it won't be lost in the endless seas of dashboards and blogs. uwu;; (hopefully I caught all of the little mistakes!!)
> 
> Edit: I've fixed some tense inconsistencies as well as Kanaya's uncharacteristic use of contractions that I accidentally had in there. I will hav to get to a computer before I can fix the spacing. ōwō;; But at any rate I think it's in about the best shape it can have and I'm gonna stop rereading and getting irritated by things again uwu <3 okay good. Good.


End file.
